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Self Evaluation

I feel like I just wrote a self-evaluation. Time is flying by. I've learned a lot about my process this semester. The Folly project was really difficult for me. Before sophomore year, my process had always been strictly intuitive. I appreciate the structure that we go through so much, but I am reminded that sometimes I need to let the risk-taking intuition take over and trust my decisions. I feel that I'm not getting to my ideas fast enough but I think it's because I rarely get time to sit and really hone in on one project, I'm always jumping from one place to the next, one project to another. The creative zone is a real thing and it takes a while for me to get into. I also have a hard time working when people are around. Not because I can't focus, but because I don't feel comfortable enough to be immersed in what I'm working on. So, I'm working on that. Risk-taking has also been on my mind. The structure seems to be engrained at this point so I think it's safe to take more risks. I'm also not as stressed about grades because I know I'm doing the best that I can and I want to enjoy the short time that I have here. I have three 18 hour credit semesters left, if I expect myself to get perfect grades I'm going to collapse from exhaustion.

I have been successful through exploration and somehow, time management. I feel behind but when I think about it, I'm getting everything done on time. I wish I could see that and relax just a tiny bit. I am taking two additional studio electives this semester so I'm trying to also fit in time for those projects, which I always relate to design. It's all going to come together. I've been the most successful at figuring out where my path is headed. Last year I was obsessed with making motion graphics/kinetic type/ animation. I was yearning for a different platform of expression but that was the wrong one. I don't want my expression to live in a screen, for some reason that feels so claustrophobic to me. When I did my video for narrative class, it was very emotional, but I wanted to rip it out and project it on the walls and create an experience rather than a flat film. I had a sort of epiphany during that project that it wasn't for me. Though I do enjoy it, I don't see it being my main focus. It's ironic to me how expressive film is and how it lives in this 3 dimensional world but is usually only presented in 2d. There is a strange disconnect there, for me, with certain things.

I got out of my comfort zone and took a sculpture class this semester, along with Audio Vision/ a sound production class. Sculpture made me nervous but I really wanted to learn how to weld. That was really the main reason I took it. I like to be self-sufficient so I try to learn all I can as far as that goes. Surprisingly, it has grown into a whole different creature and I'm now moving directly towards Interactive. I am working on a series of light sculptures that actually stemmed from my very first projection project in Image last year with the microscope. I took X-rays at a dr.'s office before coming to school here again and I have been manifesting some sort of path to do with light for quite some time. After I didn't have access to the X-ray machine, I started photographing silhouettes. Shadows, specifically. I find them fascinating and so beautiful. They are ambiguous but at the same time, full of character. They are silent even with the loudest of actions. They grow with the sun, indicative of time. The last sculpture I made proliferates the silhouette. The next will be an installation that will give the viewer a warped sense of time and space, all with the use of light and sound.

Even when I am having a less-than-good day, the thought of that project keeps me going. Which is how I know it's right. Creative euphoria, honestly. Even if it's in little tiny moments.

To improve my moving forward, I'd say refining my process but I think I'm doing a good job of bettering myself all the time. I'd like to challenge myself to take more risks, have more fun, and not take everything quite so seriously (within reason of course). I like to refine everything and I don't think anyone could criticize me as harshly as I do. Except maybe Martin. Which I am grateful for.